Uncle Antero's Fish Platter Emporium

[AnteroTurku]

Feeling just a bit peckish? Trying to avoid excessive carbs?
Want to try something different for a change?
Or just wanting to rebel against Aunt Irma's obnoxious monopoly on nutrition development business?

::A:: Try Uncle Antero's smelly Fish Platters! ::A::

http://thesettlersonlinewiki.com/uploads/1738041197fish platter emporium.jpg

Guaranteed to bring a genuine upside down smile on your comrades face!
Not to mention that nice greenish and repulsive glow on those workyards.

You can even try dropping one of these babies down the wells
for that special intoxicating zing!
It will surely get your settlers buzzing throughout the whole island!!!

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Feasting upon delicious Uncle Antero's Fish Platters might result in vomiting, hallucinations, rapid increase in heart beats, anger management problems,
eyerolling at strangers, cursing in global chat and even uncontrollable crying in some rare cases. Eat at own risk!

[AnteroTurku]

UNCLE ANTERO'S FISH PLATTER EMPORIUM WISHES EVERYONE
HAPPY EGG HUNTING!

Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs... What to do with all these eggs?

Uncle Antero has been experimenting with new secret recipes in his Emporium Headquarters to unlock the secrets of a new improved Platter dish, made entirely out of - you guessed it - eggs! All those beautiful eggs lying around in the scorching spring sun. Some being left behind for days before they are collected. With the help of his new pet rabbit ZockenMitKatze, Antero's been hoarding eggs everywhere to bring you the new Egg Platter! I mean, it's not as pretty as the dead fishies, but it smells just as rotten!

As Uncle Antero always says:

::A:: It's all about the smell! ::A::

http://thesettlersonlinewiki.com/uploads/667054613ZockenMitKatze.jpg
ZockenMitKatze

[AnteroTurku]

Today, me and my lovely assistant ZockenMitKatze wrote an official letter. (I hope he found the mailbox outside our office building and didn't eat the scroll...)



Dear TSO designing team,

We, The Uncle Antero's Fish Platter Emporium, have decided that this game needs a new smelly buff to compliment the on-going demand for the famous Uncle Antero's Fish Platter delicacy dish. And to celebrate the Easter Event, our Marketing and Recipe Development Team has come up with a win-win deal you can not (and will not want to) miss:



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THE EGG PLATTER BUFF
::A::
Smellier than ever!
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We even planned the in-game specs ready for you guys:


Decrease workyard productivity 50% for 24h
Add a beautiful rotten green sparkle on your or your friend's workyard
Adding this buff will ring a lovely jingle of Uncle Antero's frantic cackle, very similiar to that new Intrepid Explorerer's laugh (who I still think is just a man in a wig)


Just think of it! Finally we can turn our friends into enemies in a quick and easy way! The Egg Platter way!

Yours truly,
Uncle Antero

#TSOeggplatter #eggplatter #UncleAntero #FishPlatterEmporium #NiceAndStinky #YOBO (you only buff once)

[AnteroTurku]

To celebrate his new Forum Spotlight
Uncle Antero dresses up to show support to the one and only

PINKTUTUPRINCESS' GUIDE FOR NEWBIES

Yes, we've all seen it.
Yes, we've all pretty much read it.
And yes, we've all been browsing through it while helping out a new gamer in desperation.
So, put on your pink tutu and show some respect and love!

PinkTutuPrincess' Guide for newbies (http://forum.thesettlersonline.com/threads/31942-PinkTutuPrincess-Guide-for-newbies)

http://thesettlersonlinewiki.com/uploads/1813983786pink tutu.jpg
Uncle Antero's Fish Platter
It's sooo n00bilicious!
Even ZockenMitKatze agrees.
::A::

So cheap and easy, even beginners know how to make it!
Uncle Antero's tasty (and smelly) Fish Platter

Provided to you by none other than
Uncle Antero's Fish Platter Emporium

[AnteroTurku]

::A:: ~ Thank You ~ 500 Thread Views ~ Thank You ~ ::A::


Welcome to the Uncle Antero's free Fish Platter tours. We are entering sector 3 shortly and soon to your left you will see the beautiful Uncle Antero's Fish Platter Emporium Headquarters, which is the place where all the magic takes place.



http://thesettlersonlinewiki.com/uploads/572460930headquarters.jpg


Every day, Uncle Antero visits the headquarters, checks on his staff, the quality of the work they put into the delicate art of creating Uncle Antero's delicious (and smelly) Fish Platter meals, and he is also seen taking daily strolls outside to the ingridients storehouse nearby, to check that the goods needed for the Uncle Antero's Fish Platters are plentiful and held in exactly the right temperature. (A bit over the average body temperature to ensure a fast and efficient fermentation process.) Yes, the musky and earthy stench in the air is mostly coming from the storehouse. Napkins to wipe those teary eyes are being distributed as we continue forwars.

Outside the headquarters the decorative wells are set in a classic circle formation and the Headquarters sector is being protected by the statue of the Saint ZockenMitKatze. Settlers all around the islands actually come here to drop their Uncle Antero's Fish Platters down the wells for health and good fortune. Some even kiss the statue for miraculous interventions in hopes for better loot obtained and easier guild quests. The statue even blesses the humble pilgrims with a gentle BWAAAAHHH every now and then.

The lush farmlands down south and the breweries and butchers closer to the mountain range provide a variety of food and drink for the happy workers and turists alike, not to mention the floating residences by the sea shore, where five star accommodation can be purchased througout the holiday seasons. So, if you wish to stay for a while, remember to book your accommodation in good time before your travel, since the rooms have a long waiting list.

[AnteroTurku]

The Easter Event was a success!

Just as my brilliant mind thought: Easter, the perfect cover up. No one would suspect my real intentions. All that egg hoarding, loot swapping, adventure trading and producing insane amounts of ores and planks and bows for guild quests in exchange for a few blue striped eggs was the perfect decoy to keep the local mayors unaware of what was happening behind their backs! No one suspected, no one even thought about it, no one had a clue. I fooled you all! April fools times one hundred. BAZINGA!

So, what did I do, you ask? Well... You know those little white rabbids on all the islands... They were all working for me. FOR ME!!! Bwahahahaaa~ ...*cough*... um...

You see, it was my dear assistant, ZockenMitKatze, who sent out all those millions of raving rabbids all over the arhipelago to gather customer feedback. They interviewed your settlers while you weren't looking and filled long surveys and complex polls regarding Uncle Antero's Fish Platters and the consumer experiences regarding them. They spied and listened and made all sorts of calculations and pie charts... A bit like Santa's little elves. But only a bit. I mean they weren't elves. They were Antero's Raving Rabbids...

And the final analysis of all the data they gathered for me is finally here. And the results are broadcasted live to the whole world now. Oh, the excitement, oh, the anxiety! What did people think of my fish platters?!!




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::A:: UNCLE ANTERO'S FISH PLATTERS STINK. ::A::
Don't eat them.
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Um... okay... So, you mean the smell was a bad thing? ...Oh! ... Then, what should we do? Change the smell...? I mean, someone on Global chat did say that calling them 'stinky' was not such a good selling point. Uncle Antero's 'scented' Fish Platters, then?

... ... ... I need to get down to Uncle Antero's Fish Platter Emporium Research Facility and have a chat with my experimental science team.

*runs off*

[AnteroTurku]

::A:: ~ Thank You ~ 1000 Thread Views ~ Thank You ~ ::A::

http://s32.postimg.org/nyrck5cyd/WP_20160516_001_2.jpg

In an island far far away...

The evil and always greedy Aunt Irma has sent
Victor the Vicious to steal company secrets
from the Uncle Antero's Fish Platter Emporium
Research Facility.

Thanks to the active Global-1 counter-spies,
Uncle Antero learns quickly of Aunt Irma's
evil plans and sends his brave and valiant
Generals of the Round Platter to stop Victor...

[AnteroTurku]

Uncle Antero's Personal Log, day 169

Don't let it fool you. This whole crisis situation was to be expected. I knew Aunt Irma was having an ace up her sleeves, but I never anticipated she'd start this whole campaign, forcing everyone on the Archipelago to make and spread her buff baskets, leaving Uncle Antero's Fish Platter Emporium empty handed with just a bunch of low level newbies sharing Fishplatters to no-one important. The disgrace! The horror!

This truly is episode 6, The Return of Aunt Irma. A great evil has befallen my island, indeed, and that great evil has a name: Irma.

Gather the herbs, my dear settlers. Gather the herbs and make antidotes. Those gift baskets are poisonous! (You know, 'gift' in german means poison...) It's a conspiracy. Put on your folio hats. Aunt Irma is pretending to share her sausagefests free of charge but you shall all be mislead. You will soon want more. You will soon crave for a second dose. And soon you will be buffed for life. And what kind of a life would that be? Don't listen to the lies, don't sing those songs. Be strong. Be patient. Uncle Antero is watching and smiling upon you.

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Back in the research lab. We have a new set of scented fish platters to try out. Such remarkable job they are doing. So many new smells, so many new possibilities! Wet dog, Morning breath, Gasoline... As soon as this week of crisis has passed, we shall rise again, stronger and smellier than ever!!

[AnteroTurku]

::A:: THE GAME OF PLATTERS, book 1 ::A::
by Antero Turku

New classic from the author of
"Heart of Grout and other Fairy Tales and Legends from the Isles"
Published by Platterdorf Scrolls ltd.


It all started with the sudden cry from one of the ZockenMitKatze shrines. It was the heart stopping "BWAAAaaah!" that cut through the air on one late sunday morning and within seconds you could hear general Seppo Helsinki's deep voice shout out from his outpost: "Intruders on Platterdorf Island! Get your weapons! Ready your mounts!" Little did they know, it'd be too late for what was going to happen.

You see, earlier that morning, the master of martial arts, Sauli "Kala" Kuopio, had been out gathering trash. It was something he had been doing every morning for over a week now. "All these new noble houses being built", he thought to himself, "so many more people living here now and so many more people throwing garbage out in the wilderness... And the kids just don't care anymore.", he had muttered to himself as he lifted a slinky half hidden from view in the high grass by the lake shore. The amount of old shoes, banana peels and other odd findings every morning had made him worried. He knew that not even the new recycle center on sector 9 was enough to process all this junk.

This is when Sauli heard the raving rabbid statue's bloodthirsty cry. All his senses became alert in an instant. The enemy was near. The slinky dropped from his fingers and started rolling down the bank. And then it happened.



http://thesettlersonlinewiki.com/uploads/360386961bio 01.jpg


The forest growing right behind him was suddenly engulfed in dark green smoke. Some might think to themselves: "Oh, they finally finished the egg platter buff." But Sauli knew better. He realized it was something far far worse. And with his eyes focused deep into the forest, he saw the culprit. It was a sihouette way too familiar to him. It was Victor the Vicious!

The martial arts master tensed his muscles, ready to grab his sword and make his way through the ever thickening dark smoke. But that's when the stench hit him. It paralyzed him. Every hair in his body stood up and froze as a sudden gulf of panic drove through his body. And then he ran. He ran like he had never ran before.

Within minutes, the smoke had lifted up and covered the whole sky. It covered the sun from the view and the whole island turned dark as night. The babies started crying as their parents looked at the sky in horror. And the stench was unbearable. Slowly the forests withered and died from lack of sunlight as the night-like darkness lingered on the Platterdorf island for days...

[AnteroTurku]

::A:: ~ Thank You ~ 1500 Thread Views ~ Thank You ~ ::A::


An ode to my Jarmo, my valiant knight
Who wanted to marry a tailor, alright
He took out his army and went to get loot
But bumped into giants, not one - but two

His recruits were smashed and his cavalry fled
His bowmen got eaten and his own pants warm and wet
The story short, he didn't marry his prince
But slept for four hours, traumatized ever since

A preview from Uncle Antero's new upcoming book
"Heart of Grout and other Fairy Tales and Legends from the Isles, vol. 2"
Published by Platterdorf Scrolls ltd.

[queen-vicious]

::A:: ~ Thank You ~ 1500 Thread Views ~ Thank You ~ ::A::


An ode to my Jarmo, my valiant knight
Who wanted to marry a tailor, alright
He took out his army and went to get loot
But bumped into giants, not one - but two

His recruits were smashed and his cavalry fled
His bowmen got eaten and his own pants warm and wet
The story short, he didn't marry his prince
But slept for four hours, traumatized ever since

A preview from Uncle Antero's new upcoming book
"Heart of Grout and other Fairy Tales and Legends from the Isles, vol. 2"
Published by Platterdorf Scrolls ltd.


love it! +1

[lulu10093]

lol that's cool :)

[AnteroTurku]

On this glorious day, we, Uncle Antero, provide you with news ever so delightful and joyous!


Last weekend, during the starry and warm night that took place between the Saturday and the Sunday, the happy workers of Uncle Antero's Fish Platter Emporium succeeded in finishing a long lasting beautiful dream of Uncle Antero himself.

And as the picture below clearly states, they managed to store the magnificent amount of one-hundred-thousand Fish Platters to the storage unit.


http://thesettlersonlinewiki.com/uploads/1557229756Platter time 100k.jpg
::A:: All hail Uncle Antero! 100K Fish Platters ::A::
Full picture (http://thesettlersonlinewiki.com/uploads/1557229756Platter time 100k.jpg)

--- And my dear Settlers... Get ready to dump all these platters on Aunt Irma's island!!! May she drink fishy waters forever and ever more from her fish platter contaminated wells and watermills. Make her island smell of old trout and her palace get stuck with such rotten smell that not even the Black Knights dare to enter those halls of vile and repulsive stench in the next two hundred years.



Special thank you to my guildies Saulikainen and SirSinneri for providing me with fish and provision house buffs.

[AnteroTurku]

Even Uncle Antero and Captain Sonya Graham have a past together...

So, without further ado, here's my participation to the Tell Excelsior's Tale Event (http://forum.thesettlersonline.com/threads/33791-Tell-Excelsior-s-Tale-Event) which earned me a third place in the actual competition (http://forum.thesettlersonline.com/threads/33943-Excelsior-Tales-Event-Winners!). This was a pleasant surprise, as I am fully aware my story was very tongue-in-cheek and more Uncle Antero - not Sonya Gaham - based. (And way much longer than the given word limit...)

This is an edited and updated version, not entirely the one I submitted for the competition.




CAPTAIN GRAHAM AND THE BLIND FISH

"My dear friend, I see you're doing well!"

The voice was warm and familiar. But still it startled Uncle Antero, the owner and creator of the Uncle Antero's Fish Platter Emporium. No one had been announced. No one should have been capable to enter the mayor's private quarters without the guards noticing. Absolutely no one. The security around the mayor's mansion was very tight.

Yet, there she was, standing in the doorway with that crooked smile she always had.

"Sir, sir! There's a flying house outside... Or a flying ship... And there was a captain... And she's..."

"Here, already.", Uncle Anero pointed out blatantly to the guard who was huffing and puffing up the stairs to announce the surprise visit of Captain Sonya Graham, the world's most experienced explorer and an old aquaintance of Uncle Antero. The guard bowed deeply, knowing that he would pay later for letting an intruder get to Uncle Antero unnoticed, and rushed off back to his post outside the mansion.

With a swift cat-like movement Captain Graham stepped into the study and started to go through Antero's collections of sorts with a keen eye.

There was a long pause. Too long. She was never silent. That was most unnerving.

"How long has it been?", Uncle Antero asked from behind his desk, uncomfortably.

"Too long, my friend."

Friend... Antero had been many many years younger then, a mere fisherman, hiding on the island. He was happily fishing by the shore. He liked it that way. No one knew he was there. No one. And that's how Sonya Graham had found him when she first visited the island. That flying ship-house of sorts - the Excelsior she called it - it moved so fast! Antero did try to hide and get away from it, but the Excelsior caught up with him and before he knew it, Captain Graham had Antero on board with her, having a nice cup of tea with a promise not to tell anyone about Antero's little hide-out.

She had been younger back then too, full of energy, eyes burning with a longing to adventure and a desperate need to find every lost treasure and artifact in the world. Well, nothing had really changed there. Except maybe her eyes. The eyes were wiser now, more focused Antero thought to himself, as he studied the woman deep in her thoughts currently reading one of Antero's old tomes.

She had come to the island for a reason back then. She had deciphered with her Oven of Truth some old scroll telling about a dark haunted castle built deep behind the snowy mountains with a secret worthy of kings. Antero did not know about such things. He had never left the shoreline nor seen a dark castle on the island. But before long, he was there with Captain Graham, on board the flying ship, flying over that small island, over the hidden bandit camps deep in the forests, charging towards the dark towers that peaked from the North-Eastern corner behind the mountain tops.

And in the castle, there had been a demon. An evil demon that asked riddles. It had threatened to eat both Sonya and Antero unless they knew the answer to his query: "What do you call blind fish?" - Neither one of them knew.

Captain Graham was muttering to herself. She did that a lot. Antero guessed it had to do with all the lonely hours she spent on board the Excelsior. Antero enjoyed silence more.

"Be quiet, I'm trying to think!", snapped Antero who tried to focus his own thoughts to solve the demon's riddle.

"A blind fish is a blind fish. It can't see. So it's unseen... not seen.", Sonya kept on going.

"Please shut up!"

"Not seeing... Without seeing... seeless..."

The demon was getting impatient and demanded an answer.

"Just shush! Give us one more minute!", begged Antero.

"What did you say?", asked Sonya suddenly.

"Give us one mor...", Antero repeated.

"No... before that!"

"Um... shush...?"

"Yes! Of course! Not seeless. But without eyes. Not without 'C's but without 'I's. Fsh. The answer is FSH!"

"It is... unfortunately... correct.", said the Demon with a disappointed growl and disappeared in a gulf of smoke revealing the passageway to the treasury deep under the dark castle.

"I could not have solved that riddle without you.", Sonya had said. "And as a thank you...", he gave a piece of old paper to Antero. "This was in the castle's treasury. If you want to know what it says, I have a way to decipher it. I really don't know if it's worth anything or not, but I have a feeling it belongs to you."

They used Oven of Truth. With trembling hands Antero read the paper after the oven had worked its magic. It was a recipe. A recipe for Fish Platters.

Antero knew there and then it was his destiny. He had been running away from it too long. He did not want to continue in his family's footsteps, not wanting to have a life that had been decided by others long before he had even been born. Yet there he was, with a small piece of paper in his hand, a paper that was mocking all the choices he had made in his life.

"I will not go back.", Antero said to himself. "I will start over. And it will by my way, my company. My emporium."

"And I see you're Emporium is doing quite well.", Sonya said, making Antero blush as he realized he had been talking aloud to himself.

"Yes. It is."

"And you still fight with your mother?"

Antero looked out the window towards the Excelsior hovering by the shoreline, above the place where he had had his little hideout when he first had met with Captain Graham.

"She's nowadays my nemesis. With a heart of grout.", Antero muttered to himself.

"Oh, you've already heard of that one! You know, I was so afraid to ask you at first, but since you've already heard of that myth. You know, you should have contacted me straight away. Anyway, I deciphered this new text. Apparently, the dark castle wasn't the only interesting place here on yourisland. There is this hidden temple sunken in the lake in the middle of this island. And in there, there is this beautiful statue which has a heart made of grout, and to get there, you must..."

Antero had vowed not to get involved in another adventure with this woman. Yet... Here he was, soon saying yes to an invitation to meet her up on Excelsior for another cup of tea. Captain Sonya Graham did know how to brew a really good cup of tea.